Changes...

Why is change so hard? My life just took a big turn (at least it is big for me). I love, love, love serving in the Young Women's Program in my ward. So when I was released and called to be in Primary Secretary it brought with it a myriad of emotions. I was shaking the whole time while meeting with the bishop. I am sure he thought I was having some sort of fit and was not stable. I guess that would have been correct though. I did okay the rest of the morning, problems with afternoon church… I read my scriptures and found one in particular: D&C 88: 78 & 80 

 78 Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand;

80 That ye may be prepared in all things when I shall send you again to magnify the calling whereunto I have called you, and themission with which I have commissioned you.

I knew that the time had come to move on and it was time for me to learn other callings that are expedient for me to understand. I was bam given this answer and I was now going to be tough… Nope. I was wrong. I could barely get through the Young Women's Theme. I kept it together though. I did great in our lesson and then I lost it in the closing prayer. I was trying to hide it, and I think I did okay at that until the girls left. I don't know though I guess they would have to tell me if I did or not. Then the world came crashing down. I don't think any of the other leaders have ever seen me cry like that. I am not very emotional most of the time. I may get a little teary eyed, but nothing that I couldn't hide or quickly wipe away. Which I do… I don't like to be vulnerable like that. I know I shouldn't feel like that, that showing some emotion isn't bad, but I just don't like that feeling I get when I do. That didn't happen this time. I just cried. I couldn't stop and didn't really want to at first. It took the entire Sunday School class time to completely compose myself. My friend Stacy didn't help any by crying with me, but that was good to just sit and cry together. I knew I would miss my cute young women, and I would miss serving with some awesome women.

The rest of the week was a roller coaster. I had been working to receive my Young Womanhood Award as a leader and had all but 3 done. Which the bishop let me finish that next day or so. I turned in my book for my award and felt great. I would think of my new calling and have some excitement pop out and then I would be back to what I call the void… Emptiness of the calling I no longer was set a part to do. Longing to be at Young Women's on Tues., to see my girls to be part of their week. I know that The Void will be replaced by memories of Young Women's and the love for those girls I served and women I served with. It will be filled with a new love on young primary children and the other women I will now serve with. I will not be emptiness. It is only created by the initial shock of leaving something familiar and loved. Longing after the past will not help it recede. I must move forward and know I can still see my girls as I call them at church, and text them to see how they are doing. I can still visit and be friends with my sista wives as we call ourselves. AND now my heart will grow bigger and have more room for others. So even though I feel that my roller coaster ride with this big change is not through I can now face it.

I told you I was bad at this blogging thing…

Anyways, Wow can I just say school starting has thrown a huge cramp into running! I am not consistent anymore!!! I have not and will not give up. I need to find a new routine though. I also am watching my niece since my mother-in-law had a car accident and also passed out at a park leaving my niece unattended. Yikes! Needless to say I have discovered I am NOT a patient person. I thought I was  patient with my own kids at least. Nope not even close. Watching my niece has uncovered an awful truth in myself. I am not patient and get way to stressed over little things. Well I assume they are little things, because I am definitely blowing them out of proportion. I have not been having a good attitude about this current situation. I needed and still need help.

I hopefully found it in doing my Personal Progress for Young Women. For those of you who don't know it is a program that the LDS church has for their young women ages 12-18. Since I serve in a calling with these girls I am working on it too. I have neglected it quite often. I would do some and then get busy. BUT I rededicated myself and I am so close to having it done and receiving my Young Womanhood Award. I am able to work on the areas in my life that are causing me stress. Take for instance my recent discovery of my lack of patience. I am trying to learn to have more patients and several of the things I can do with this program help me with that. I spent a hour last night after the kids went to bed reading and doing Personal Progress. I reflected on experiences in the last couple of months and wrote in my journal about them. I was very comforting to say the least. I am still struggling with patience, but I feel calmer about my days now.

I strongly sugest to everyone to do a self evaluation and find out your trouble area that may be causing you grief that you didn't think was a problem. Then take care of it. Say hello problem time to go away. There are so many ways to work on these issues and be free from them. You don't have to do it the way I have, but finding a way to move on has felt great. I hope I can work on being a better person in other areas of my life too.

Quick side note to my new blog design...

I have recently embraced my love of lemons. Really it is starting to take over my life. Oh well, I LOVE IT! I have been adding lemon details to my kitchen (it is a slow process when you are married to Jerry and his approach to finances, but I love him so I guess that's okay). My biggest lemon burst is my new lemon tree (thanks mom and dad)!!!!! I am in smitten. It is just like a baby to me. I am a weirdo…

Anyways that is where my new life of my blog is heading… 

New found love of running….I think.

WOW! I am horrible. I have not posted for 2 years! I have never been good at keeping a journal or writing consistently. I am sure that is why this blog was often forgotten. When it wasn't I just felt like I didn't have time at the moment to update everything. It just became a overwhelming task! However, thanks to a friend who has dedicated a blog to our new adventure of RUNNING, I have been inspired to update and refresh my blog. I know I am not going to be perfect, but I am going to try.

Soooo running…. Yes, my new found dedication to running (it's a love/hate relationship). I have over the years tried to go and run, it is a constant battle with myself. The last time was when I had my little boy. That was five years ago, and I was never as dedicated as I am trying to be now. So how did I decide to try this again? It all started back in May when a friend and I decided to go running in the mornings at 6 AM (crazy I know!), and three days a week. We found one more friend who was on board and started the couch to 5k program. We have taken longer than the program was designed to get where we are now. Some mornings just don't happen. Someone is out of town, we don't always feel like going, or kids kept someone awake, etc. That is life.

What really motivated me to start this thing called running was to get in better shape and really try to lose weight I have had since having kids. I have been "trying" forever to do this. I would just lose momentum and then after awhile find it again. It had not been working!!!!! I don't know where my new found dedication the last couple of months has come from, but I don't care! I really need it and want it to keep going. So I am doing what I can to keep motivated. I have started to loose some weight and have found if I don't one week I get really MAD! Then I go out and run longer than my workout tells me too. I guess this is part of my motivation.

This motivation is now pushing myself and my two friends to run a 10K. We are becoming crazy running people. We motivate each other in different ways and we will get there. It will not go perfect, but so many things in life don't so whatever. I feel confident enough to get there and then I really want to move forward and run a half marathon. This has been on my bucket list for a while, BUT has seemed so impossible to me. I still feel like that somedays. I also feel like this goal is now reachable in about 50 yrs… Just kidding, I am hoping for next summer.

So as I try to reach my new found goals I am going to share my experiences here. Anyone who feels like they would like to join in feel free. I can use more friends to help keep me on this road.

Sage's 1st B-Day!

Since we had just gotten home from California and Disneyland. I thought it would be cute to do a Minnie Mouse party for Sage. She got a Minnie Mouse dress down in Disneyland and this was another way for her to use it besides Halloween. I made her a Minnie Mouse inspired cake and a small smash cake as well. We had all of our family there and she had fun playing with each new toy as she had help opening them from Parley. She couldn't wait for some of them to get out of the box. Sage didn't realize that her cake was edible. She did like playing with the frosting and finally with some help smashed the cake and realized what it was. Then she loved eating it from there.

Parley's and Maddie's B-days

Okay I am going to group Parley's and Maddie's birthdays since I am so behind. Parley had a angry bird birthday party. I made him a sweet angry bird cake and he had a couple friends over. He now thinks that everyone should have a angry bird cake for their birthdays. Silly boy.

Madison had a luau party with her friends and played water games on the lawn. Everyone got a lay and goodie bag. I made her cake too. It was a pair of flip flops. She got lots of monster high stuff which is her favorite thing lately.

Man I suck at posting!

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted. Oops. Well really quick, Jerry was released from elders quorum, and now is the ward clerk. He is going to school and working (I know what is he not doing, right?). I am in YW still and I LOVE it. Maddie is in 2nd grade and loves soccer and basketball. Parley started preschool this year and loves cars more than anything. Sage is now a year old and is almost walking. I will do follow up posts of trips and birthdays.